Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
