Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
