is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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