Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
