Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Rumble strips road head = magical
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
That's how pantless uber rides happen
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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