if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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