saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
