the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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