This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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