i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
