Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
