I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
