Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
