i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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