Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
