If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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