The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
