Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
