If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
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