Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
