I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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