I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
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Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
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Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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