I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
