I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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