My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
