I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Randomize
