the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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