my phone needs a breathalizer
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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