So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
