i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
