she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
