break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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