I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
