Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
