He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
