My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
