What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
