I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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