I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
