Moan for me like Helen Keller
this boner is exhausting
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
