I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
