He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
