i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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