i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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