How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
