i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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