i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
