Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
