we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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