I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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