Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
