Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
