She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Randomize
