i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
My ass is underappreciated
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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