You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
i out mim tonsoeep
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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