Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
