I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Randomize
