So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
