Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
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"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
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How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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