In the future we'll all be gay
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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