I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
