Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
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