I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
