I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
