im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
