Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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