If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
