What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
