Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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