I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
