Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
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The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
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