My balls are so social today.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
