You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
