Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
