FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
